My Mother

Peace,


    I would like to share with you my day. I start every morning in prayer giving thanks and praise to my heavenly Father, Yahushua/Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I then pray for all people and ask Father to renew in me HIS Spirit, purify my heart and give me a sound mind. I then pray to be led in the word. 

I then pray giving thanks for anything I eat and drink through out the day and night. I then end my night the way I start my day.

I would like to share with you my day today. I had a lot of phone calls to make and they were quite difficult to make as they were in regards to my mother who has Alzheimer's. My mother has been through a lot these past two years losing her husband of 57 years, two years ago today, a daughter two months ago and being moved this coming Monday three times in four months. This has been extremely hard on her. For those of you that know this illness you know that change is difficult and moving your loved one is not the best for them. 

However, my mother was put in a nursing facility in November that she did not belong in.  So, my husband and I moved her into a facility that we felt would be the right fit for her. We moved with our hearts not our heads and she is failing miserably at the Assisted Living facility. We now must move her to a memory care unit in another Assisted Living Facility. 

My mother is what we call "in between" stages of her illness. She is not ready for only a memory care unit but she can not be in an assisted living part of a facility either. So, we have to do our best to make sure she is involved in all the necessary programs to keep her independent yet we need to make sure she is getting the support  when she needs it. This disease makes individuals quite anxious and agitated. They continue to look for that one thing that is going to "fix" them but they will never find it. 

Today, my husband and I went to the facility my mother will be going into. You walk in the door and right away your eyes go to the fireplace with fish tanks on either side. The decor is bright and some of the residents were gathered around singing songs. All in all it looked and felt like a home. 

Now it was time to talk to the director. This process took two hours. We had many questions and they had the same for us. I paused and felt a bit of anxiety as I realized at that moment I was speaking to this woman about my mother coming to this facility knowing we were getting closer to the end. I felt that it was like a waiting room to die. I was overwhelmed and wished one of my siblings was there to share in this feeling I was having. My husband was wonderful and is a huge support for me but it is not his mother. My feeling's changed to anger. I started to resent my siblings for not being there for my mother and helping me to make the right decisions. I needed support their support.

I knew I needed to stop feeling this way so I could focus on what was before me. I prayed, Father help me... I'm not liking this too much. I was having all of these emotions and I still had to go to the memory care unit. Okay, deep breath let's do this for mom. 

We finished the paperwork and headed to the memory care unit which is a locked facility. I don't like to call it that because it may give you a horrible vision. I say this because it did for me. We entered the unit and it was quiet. The residents were watching TV and some were talking in front of the fire others were walking the hall. They looked nothing like I expected. They were cheerful and pleasant. The staff was wonderful. You could see they enjoyed what they did. It was their calling if you will. 

We walked around the unit which was quite spacious. They had two dining halls which looked like cafes. The dining hall overlooked a garden with a water fountain in the center. The yard was enclosed with a gate to protect the residents. The rooms are studio apartments which are spacious but there is no mini refrigerator, microwave or sink. This room my mother would be staying in has a closet and a bathroom. The room is for sleeping only. They have a full list of activities and no need to be in their rooms. The tour was over and we left. 

I reflected a lot when I got home. I knew the first thing I needed to do was forgive my siblings. I repented and asked Father to forgive me for my feelings. I cannot answer for them as to why. I need to do what Father is leading me to do for my mother. I am responsible for me and my mother now.

So, tomorrow I will finish up the necessary paperwork and prepare my mother to move yet again. We will start the journey with the help of God's grace each and everyday. I need to learn to trust HIM as HE is faithful and true and never let's me down. 

The video called "A Parents Love" below was actually one of the videos I saw while waiting for the director. It is beautiful... all the residents watching were dabbing their eyes. What a moment. 

One of my readings tonight Ephesians 4 Verse 32 jumped out at me. ³² And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Amen?!?!?
In HIM with love,
Cassie