Peace,
Today will be the last day I post on Joan The Baptist Blog. I will leave the blog up as I am led. I received a powerful word from our Heavenly Father through the Holy Spirit last week. I was told to share the word given so people could hear it.
I prayed on this word I heard as I have never been led do put anything on You Tube. However, after much prayer I posted the video on YT and it will be my only one as I KNOW this in my spirit. Just as I KNOW today is my last day posting on here.
I want to share with you a beautiful gift God has allowed me to see and to speak forth. Before I do I want to say I am a sinner and I have failed greatly. It is only through God's grace that I can even share with you what He has given me.
Just this past weekend I felt a change I do not mean something small I am talking a change that I KNOW is from God. I spoke words to my husband Peter that I, Cassie, could never have spoken, but the words I spoke were from the Holy Spirit.
Peter and I were sharing in our daily chores we were feeding the sheep, chickens and turkeys, filling their water buckets cleaning their coops and stall. When we were finished we sat down watching the chickens and the turkeys scratching for food and the sheep eating their hay. Then it happened...
Something came over me that I wish I could explain but I can't find the words... not sure there are any. So here goes. I am going to try.
I was speaking with my husband and I said, I know what God means to REST in HIM, it means to REST IN HIS LOVE. I felt a knew love at that moment welling up inside of me, one that was allowing me to REST. God showed me yesterday that to REST in HIM, means we are to LOVE with the purest of love. I am changed. I feel no anger, no bitterness, no resentment, no un-forgiveness, no hatred, no malice, no strife I can go on but I believe you understand. I KNOW HIS LOVE for me. I KNOW HIS LOVE FOR YOU. Thank you Jesus.
I have such peace and joy. I have such strength that I never knew before. When I am weak HE is strong because HIS love for me conquers ALL. What a revelation I received.
So, with all of this being said. I will pray for you all. I want you to know I love you all. May God's blessings and LOVE be poured out on each and everyone of you, that you too may REST in HIM. My heart changed yesterday and my LOVE grew beyond what I can even comprehend. Thank you Jesus.
BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS LOVE...
In Jesus name with all my love,
Cassie
Monday, November 11, 2013
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
22 Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.
2 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:
2 And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.
3 And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments.
4 He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.
5 But whoso keepeth his word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in him.
6 He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked.
7 Brethren, I write no new commandment unto you, but an old commandment which ye had from the beginning. The old commandment is the word which ye have heard from the beginning.
8 Again, a new commandment I write unto you, which thing is true in him and in you: because the darkness is past, and the true light now shineth.
9 He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now.
10 He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him.
11 But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes.
12 I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for his name's sake.
13 I write unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I write unto you, young men, because ye have overcome the wicked one. I write unto you, little children, because ye have known the Father.
14 I have written unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one.
15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.
18 Little children, it is the last time: and as ye have heard that antichrist shall come, even now are there many antichrists; whereby we know that it is the last time.
19 They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.
20 But ye have an unction from the Holy One, and ye know all things.
21 I have not written unto you because ye know not the truth, but because ye know it, and that no lie is of the truth.
22 Who is a liar but he that denieth that Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist, that denieth the Father and the Son.
23 Whosoever denieth the Son, the same hath not the Father: he that acknowledgeth the Son hath the Father also.
24 Let that therefore abide in you, which ye have heard from the beginning. If that which ye have heard from the beginning shall remain in you, ye also shall continue in the Son, and in the Father.
25 And this is the promise that he hath promised us, even eternal life.
26 These things have I written unto you concerning them that seduce you.
27 But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.
28 And now, little children, abide in him; that, when he shall appear, we may have confidence, and not be ashamed before him at his coming.
29 If ye know that he is righteous, ye know that every one that doeth righteousness is born of him.
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
The Meeting
Peace,
I met a man today while out walking. I asked him if he wanted to meet a dear friend of mine. At first he was reluctant to stop and said he was in a hurry to get home. I asked him if he could just give me a couple moments of his time as I truly wanted to share with him.
my dear friend.
I introduced myself and he did likewise then he said I am confused, you want me to meet your dear friend but there is no one here. I said, oh but he is here he is right here. The man started to look around and looked back at me and said ma'am I am sorry but I must be going. No, please let me just introduce you to my dear friend.
This is my dear friend Jesus. Do you know him? "Nope can't say that I do." Oh, but you will never have a better friend, trust me, let me tell you why. The man said "maybe another day", I said there may not be another day. Please let me tell you about my dear friend.
You see my dear friend Jesus lived to the age of thirty three. He was crucified on a tree after being beat, spit on and having the hairs of his beard pulled out. He had a crown of thorns put on his head. The man looked at me and said, "why?"
Well, you see. My dear friend Jesus came to save the world and those that didn't believe in him would mock him and try to kill him. Why did he have to come save the world? Good question I replied.
It's like this. When you break the law you are arrested and given a hearing to see if you were guilty or not of breaking that law. The police arrest you bring you to the court and the judge decides what your punishment will be for breaking that law.
When one breaks the law it's what we call sinning. But we won't be judged in a court house on earth but we will be judged in heaven in front of God. That's where my dear friend Jesus comes in.
You see they killed Jesus because he told them they were breaking the law and that he was the only one that could save them. They didn't want to believe him so they killed him.
They crucified him and then buried him. But he rose again and lives today in heaven. When he died his blood was shed for all mankind. Jesus paid our debt for our sins through his death on the cross. My dear friend goes before God in our place.
The man said, So your telling me that if I get to know Jesus and ask him to forgive me of my sins, he will? Yes, if you truly are sorry for your sins and repent. Repent, what is that? It is when we turn back to God and stop living in sin. We will not always do right but we can change. Jesus can help; all you have to do is ask him.
So when I die and go to heaven will Jesus be there? Yes, he will. Be sure to thank him. He paid your debt so you can be free, it's called grace. "Grace?" Yes. "How do I get grace?" It's not by anything you can do. Jesus is the only way. Grace is a free gift.
I would like to meet your friend Jesus. When? Today. How do I meet him? Just introduce yourself to him. He is always listening.
Have you told someone about Jesus today?
In Jesus with love,
Cassie
I met a man today while out walking. I asked him if he wanted to meet a dear friend of mine. At first he was reluctant to stop and said he was in a hurry to get home. I asked him if he could just give me a couple moments of his time as I truly wanted to share with him.
my dear friend.
I introduced myself and he did likewise then he said I am confused, you want me to meet your dear friend but there is no one here. I said, oh but he is here he is right here. The man started to look around and looked back at me and said ma'am I am sorry but I must be going. No, please let me just introduce you to my dear friend.
This is my dear friend Jesus. Do you know him? "Nope can't say that I do." Oh, but you will never have a better friend, trust me, let me tell you why. The man said "maybe another day", I said there may not be another day. Please let me tell you about my dear friend.
You see my dear friend Jesus lived to the age of thirty three. He was crucified on a tree after being beat, spit on and having the hairs of his beard pulled out. He had a crown of thorns put on his head. The man looked at me and said, "why?"
Well, you see. My dear friend Jesus came to save the world and those that didn't believe in him would mock him and try to kill him. Why did he have to come save the world? Good question I replied.
It's like this. When you break the law you are arrested and given a hearing to see if you were guilty or not of breaking that law. The police arrest you bring you to the court and the judge decides what your punishment will be for breaking that law.
When one breaks the law it's what we call sinning. But we won't be judged in a court house on earth but we will be judged in heaven in front of God. That's where my dear friend Jesus comes in.
You see they killed Jesus because he told them they were breaking the law and that he was the only one that could save them. They didn't want to believe him so they killed him.
They crucified him and then buried him. But he rose again and lives today in heaven. When he died his blood was shed for all mankind. Jesus paid our debt for our sins through his death on the cross. My dear friend goes before God in our place.
The man said, So your telling me that if I get to know Jesus and ask him to forgive me of my sins, he will? Yes, if you truly are sorry for your sins and repent. Repent, what is that? It is when we turn back to God and stop living in sin. We will not always do right but we can change. Jesus can help; all you have to do is ask him.
So when I die and go to heaven will Jesus be there? Yes, he will. Be sure to thank him. He paid your debt so you can be free, it's called grace. "Grace?" Yes. "How do I get grace?" It's not by anything you can do. Jesus is the only way. Grace is a free gift.
I would like to meet your friend Jesus. When? Today. How do I meet him? Just introduce yourself to him. He is always listening.
Have you told someone about Jesus today?
In Jesus with love,
Cassie
"The way is difficult and narrow"
Matthew 5:6
(6) Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
King James Version Change Bible versions
King James Version Change Bible versions
One of the types of righteousness for which we are to hunger and thirst is the one that occupies the greater portion of our life after conversion. Notice how Jesus states this beatitude. He does not say, "Blessed are those who have hungered . . . ," but rather, "Blessed are those who hunger [do hunger, KJV]." This hungering and thirsting is a continuous state, and it must be this way for the second kind of righteousness, elsewhere called pursuing holiness, going on to perfection, or growing in the grace and the knowledge of Jesus Christ. Frequently the Bible calls it sanctification. None of these terms is specifically righteousness, but all are contained within its broad meaning. This righteousness is created in us, imparted to us by God's Holy Spirit following justification as we experience our relationship with God. It is seeking godly character to be prepared for living in His Kingdom.
God cannot create His holy and righteous character by fiat. It requires the willing and freely given cooperation of the called; by exercising their free moral agency, they submit to Him in the experiences of life. Submission is difficult, and thus Christianity is no cake-walk through a garden. Jesus often warns that it will require a devotion to Him of such degree that all else must be secondary to Him. We are to bear our crosses and count the cost (Luke 14:26-28). He also warns, "The way is difficult and narrow" (Matthew 7:14), and "He who endures to the end shall be saved" (Matthew 24:13). The trek of the ancient Israelites through the wilderness is a type of the Christian's pilgrimage to theKingdom of God. Their wilderness experiences expose a number of pitfalls that can destroy a Christian's faith and enthusiasm for continuing to the end.
Through this beatitude, God presents us with a serious challenge. Because it is continuously needed, it establishes a demanding requirement. How much do we want goodness, the righteousness of God? Do we want it as much as a starving man desires food or a parched man wants water? Do we so lack vision that we will give up our faith as all the Israelites, save Joshua and Caleb, did in the wilderness? According to Hebrews 4:1, though they heard the good news, they did not believe it sufficiently. They, therefore, died in the wilderness, their pilgrimage finished before they reached their goal. Rather than submit, they resisted God until their deaths. Apparently, they did not hunger for it.
Most of us have a desire for God's Kingdom and His righteousness, but it is, to our detriment, frequently nebulous rather than sharp. When the time comes to make a choice, we are not prepared to make the required effort or sacrifice that the righteousness of God demands. It is situations like these that reveal that we do not desire righteousness more than anything else.
— John W. Ritenbaugh
Monday, November 4, 2013
STUDY:"Go And Sin No More"
Peace,
Jesus said, "Go and sin no more." Let's go into the word and pray the Holy Spirit gives us understanding. In Jesus name. Amen.
Let's look at John 8:10-1110 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
Jesus speaking to the woman says, " hath no man condemned thee? she said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee:"
After the woman had been accused of adultery by the scribes and Pharisees they brought her to Jesus. "7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."
The Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus. They didn't care about this woman's act of adultery. These religious leaders were trying to say to Jesus that the Law no longer mattered? Jesus reminds the religious leaders that he did not come to abolish the Law but to fulfill it.
The Pharisees focused on the "letter of the law" not the spirit of it. Christ showed the Pharisees that obeying the" letter of the law" was a physical action but obeying the" spirit of the law" requires more than just an outward action it involves the heart and attitude of the mind.
Let's go to where Jesus confronts a man about sin. John 5:12-1412 Then asked they him, What man is that which said unto thee, Take up thy bed, and walk?
Jesus said, "Go and sin no more." Let's go into the word and pray the Holy Spirit gives us understanding. In Jesus name. Amen.
Let's look at John 8:10-1110 When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee?11 She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more.
Jesus speaking to the woman says, " hath no man condemned thee? she said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee:"
After the woman had been accused of adultery by the scribes and Pharisees they brought her to Jesus. "7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."
The Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus. They didn't care about this woman's act of adultery. These religious leaders were trying to say to Jesus that the Law no longer mattered? Jesus reminds the religious leaders that he did not come to abolish the Law but to fulfill it.
The Pharisees focused on the "letter of the law" not the spirit of it. Christ showed the Pharisees that obeying the" letter of the law" was a physical action but obeying the" spirit of the law" requires more than just an outward action it involves the heart and attitude of the mind.
Let's go to where Jesus confronts a man about sin. John 5:12-1412 Then asked they him, What man is that which said unto thee, Take up thy bed, and walk?
13 And he that was healed wist not who it was: for Jesus had conveyed himself away, a multitude being in that place.14 Afterward Jesus findeth him in the temple, and said unto him, Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.
The Jews were questioning the man who Jesus healed. Jesus told the man, " Behold, thou art made whole: sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee."
We are not told exactly what this mans condition was but by Jesus' words we know it was caused by sin. Was Jesus saying to the man "Go and sin no more" Or was Jesus warning this man that worse things would come upon him IF he sinned that same sin again? Pray for understanding in the name of Jesus.
"Go and sin no more," was this Jesus' warning to the woman and man to sin no more and be perfect? Or was Jesus telling them to change their ways of sinful living, repent and follow HIM?
Since coming to Christ, I have had a change of heart. I want to obey Jesus and follow HIM. I don't want to sin willfully and I repent immediately when I am convicted in my heart of any sin I have committed. Father God changed my heart when I was born again. Amen.
I believe when Jesus said, "Go and sin no more" HE was warning us to not commit the same sin again but to repent. Jesus said, Matthew 4:17 17 From that time Jesus began to preach, and to say, Repent: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
When will we be free from sin? "7 For he that is dead is freed from sin."
Romans 6:1-7 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound?2 God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?3 Know ye not, that so many of us as were baptized into Jesus Christ were baptized into his death?4 Therefore we are buried with him by baptism into death: that like as Christ was raised up from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.5 For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection:6 Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.
7 For he that is dead is freed from sin.
In Jesus with love,
Cassie
12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord; and the people whom he hath chosen for his own inheritance.
Psalm 33
King James Version (KJV)
33 Rejoice in the Lord, O ye righteous: for praise is comely for the upright.
2 Praise the Lord with harp: sing unto him with the psaltery and an instrument of ten strings.3 Sing unto him a new song; play skilfully with a loud noise.
4 For the word of the Lord is right; and all his works are done in truth.
5 He loveth righteousness and judgment: the earth is full of the goodness of the Lord.
6 By the word of the Lord were the heavens made; and all the host of them by the breath of his mouth.
7 He gathereth the waters of the sea together as an heap: he layeth up the depth in storehouses.
8 Let all the earth fear the Lord: let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him.
9 For he spake, and it was done; he commanded, and it stood fast.
10 The Lord bringeth the counsel of the heathen to nought: he maketh the devices of the people of none effect.
11 The counsel of the Lord standeth for ever, the thoughts of his heart to all generations.
12 Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord; and the people whom he hath chosen for his own inheritance.
13 The Lord looketh from heaven; he beholdeth all the sons of men.
14 From the place of his habitation he looketh upon all the inhabitants of the earth.
15 He fashioneth their hearts alike; he considereth all their works.
16 There is no king saved by the multitude of an host: a mighty man is not delivered by much strength.
17 An horse is a vain thing for safety: neither shall he deliver any by his great strength.
18 Behold, the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy;
19 To deliver their soul from death, and to keep them alive in famine.
20 Our soul waiteth for the Lord: he is our help and our shield.
21 For our heart shall rejoice in him, because we have trusted in his holy name.
22 Let thy mercy, O Lord, be upon us, according as we hope in thee.
Friday, November 1, 2013
Dedicated to my mom and all with the Alzheimer's
By Michael Ellenbogen, Special to Everyday Health
Imagine, if you will, waking up one morning and going about your daily business: you have had breakfast and are about to leave for work, but you can’t remember where you left your keys. Common enough, you say; we have all done that at some time or other. Your wife hands you your keys and off you go.
Life carries on as normal for a few weeks, then one day, while at work you have to call a colleague, but you have inexplicably forgotten his extension number; an extension number you have called numerous times a day for the past 10 years. You feel silly but put it down to being tired. You work hard and hold a high profile position in a financial institution so it is understandable that you will have memory lapses now and again. As with the key incident, you laugh it off.
Over the next few months things start to get worse. You are forgetting people’s names even though you have worked with them for many years, you are making stupid mistakes at work, you are forgetting to go to meetings, you are finding it really difficult to do the simplest of tasks, you continually forget where you parked the car. Again, you are told by friends and colleagues and doctors that it is due to stress; that you need to slow down, maybe take time off, etc. But you know there is something wrong, you know that it is more than stress.
So you start keeping a record as best you can, and you pester your doctor for answers. One day you get the answer. An answer no one expected.
An answer that will change your life and your family’s life forever.
You have Young Onset Alzheimer’s Disease.
Alzheimer’s is an incurable, progressive loss of brain cells. In the beginning, it targets memory and speech, and as time goes on the symptoms become wider ranging and debilitating and include disorientation, difficulty judging distances, poor vision, poor speech and writing abilities, repetitive behaviour, mood swings, and depression. Then, in the final stages of the disease, it is not just the mind that is affected; the body is rapidly declining also. In the late stages of Alzheimer’s, there will be difficulty swallowing, a needed for assistance when changing position or moving from place to place, increased vulnerability to infection and a complete loss of short-term and long-term memory. Death is slow, painful, undignified, and inevitable.
My name is Michael Ellenbogen and this is my diagnosis.
What People Don’t Know About Alzheimer’s
For the last decade I have campaigned on behalf of myself and all those suffering from this devastating disease. Why do I have to campaign? I do it because over five million Americans have Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. What is more shocking is the lack of knowledge out there about this illness.
I have become extremely surprised by the lack of public commitment to my pleas for support of Alzheimer’s disease. While some may be sympathetic in the moment, there appears to be little follow-through.
People look at me and think there is nothing wrong; I am not in a wheelchair, I have full use of all my limbs, I can see, hear, speak and listen…but not for much longer.
I am dying; day by day, hour by hour my life is ending.
So much of my life has changed with this disease; household chores that were once second-nature, like cutting the grass, have become frustrating and difficult for me to perform. I leave things lying around the house – not to be difficult, but because I have forgotten where they go, and I am also afraid that if they do get put away I will not remember where they were put.
I was once a very sociable person, but now I go to a happy affair only to be tortured by the noise and surrounding conversations because I am overwhelmed by the stimulus of sight and sound. I don’t understand what people are saying; the words run together and they may as well be speaking a foreign language.
I can no longer write or speak like I used to. What you are reading now has been written by a friend of mine who helps me put my words onto paper. My friends have become distant, and even when in their presence they will address my wife. Even when enquiring after me they rarely direct their questions to me. This is heart-breaking for me, the fact that they feel they can no longer talk to me really saddens me.
Grocery shopping with my wife is time-consuming and frustrating as I find it difficult to make decisions and plan ahead for meals. Eating out was something I used to enjoy but now I am unable to read the menu and assimilate the information into a decision. At home my wife has to assemble my meals in a series of individual decisions.
The Loss of My Independence
There was a time when I could follow a map and easily get from point A to B. Now I rely on my wife for navigation. I know that it won’t be long before I can no longer drive and that really upsets me because I love going out for long drives in my car; it is the last vestige of independence I have left.
I used to be smart, I worked hard, and I accomplished a lot. Seeing all my failures today is giving me a new appreciation for the things I was once capable of doing. I was a very different person, but that intelligence still shines through occasionally as I am challenged to invent new coping strategies to respond to these changes.
This disease is costing me money in so many ways because of the problems and issues I create; I have broken gardening tools because I have forgotten how to use them properly.
Personal grooming is a problem as well, as I can never remember the last time I washed my hair or changed my clothes.
In meetings I will lose track of the subject matter if the information is shared in long sentences. If I am speaking at events or meetings I must have my speech printed in a large font size with clearly marked punctuation.
Mind-Body Disconnection
Sometimes my mind does not communicate with the rest of my body; I had to turn the grate on my fireplace but instead of tentatively feeling if it was hot or not I just picked it up and badly burned my hand.
I can no longer use my video recorder. I had trouble remembering which way to turn off the water in the garage for the hose
I lost my job because I could no longer function in the environment, so now I spend my days advocating for Alzheimer’s. It gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning, it stimulates what is left of my mind.
My Wife’s Burden
Do you know what the worst part of this is? I have to watch my wife struggling to do the things that I once was capable of doing, and know I cannot do anything thing to help. I see my wife becoming stressed, depressed and overwhelmed, and know it will only continue to get worse.
My wife is on the road to hell; I have not even reached the worst stage. That scares the hell out of me.
I am losing my mind and I can see it happening, but I cannot do anything to change the course. I am slowly becoming a child again, and will soon be a body with no mind.
At what point should I give up? At what point would I give up?
What do I have to look forward to?
Why should I put my wife through any more pain and sadness. Do I really want her to watch me slowly die in front her eyes?
Any chance I had at a good life and a happy retirement has gone; my life is pretty much over. If you were in my shoes would you want to carry on, knowing what is in store for you?
I want to die on my own terms, I want to die with dignity, I want to die while I can still make the decision to die, and that is a very small window because I know in the not too distant future even that choice is going to be taken from me.
The laws we have in place today do not take into account the needs of people suffering from dementia; we need to rethink not only how we regard people with this disease, but also how we look after them. We need to have things in place not only to help those suffering live vital and productive lives, but also provide the means necessary for them to die with dignity and at a time of their choosing. We need to take our heads out of the sand; we can no longer turn a blind, this is a very real problem, this is happening now to millions of people across America.
We need your help!
Imagine, if you will, waking up one morning and going about your daily business: you have had breakfast and are about to leave for work, but you can’t remember where you left your keys. Common enough, you say; we have all done that at some time or other. Your wife hands you your keys and off you go.
Life carries on as normal for a few weeks, then one day, while at work you have to call a colleague, but you have inexplicably forgotten his extension number; an extension number you have called numerous times a day for the past 10 years. You feel silly but put it down to being tired. You work hard and hold a high profile position in a financial institution so it is understandable that you will have memory lapses now and again. As with the key incident, you laugh it off.
Over the next few months things start to get worse. You are forgetting people’s names even though you have worked with them for many years, you are making stupid mistakes at work, you are forgetting to go to meetings, you are finding it really difficult to do the simplest of tasks, you continually forget where you parked the car. Again, you are told by friends and colleagues and doctors that it is due to stress; that you need to slow down, maybe take time off, etc. But you know there is something wrong, you know that it is more than stress.
So you start keeping a record as best you can, and you pester your doctor for answers. One day you get the answer. An answer no one expected.
An answer that will change your life and your family’s life forever.
You have Young Onset Alzheimer’s Disease.
Alzheimer’s is an incurable, progressive loss of brain cells. In the beginning, it targets memory and speech, and as time goes on the symptoms become wider ranging and debilitating and include disorientation, difficulty judging distances, poor vision, poor speech and writing abilities, repetitive behaviour, mood swings, and depression. Then, in the final stages of the disease, it is not just the mind that is affected; the body is rapidly declining also. In the late stages of Alzheimer’s, there will be difficulty swallowing, a needed for assistance when changing position or moving from place to place, increased vulnerability to infection and a complete loss of short-term and long-term memory. Death is slow, painful, undignified, and inevitable.
My name is Michael Ellenbogen and this is my diagnosis.
What People Don’t Know About Alzheimer’s
For the last decade I have campaigned on behalf of myself and all those suffering from this devastating disease. Why do I have to campaign? I do it because over five million Americans have Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia. What is more shocking is the lack of knowledge out there about this illness.
I have become extremely surprised by the lack of public commitment to my pleas for support of Alzheimer’s disease. While some may be sympathetic in the moment, there appears to be little follow-through.
People look at me and think there is nothing wrong; I am not in a wheelchair, I have full use of all my limbs, I can see, hear, speak and listen…but not for much longer.
I am dying; day by day, hour by hour my life is ending.
So much of my life has changed with this disease; household chores that were once second-nature, like cutting the grass, have become frustrating and difficult for me to perform. I leave things lying around the house – not to be difficult, but because I have forgotten where they go, and I am also afraid that if they do get put away I will not remember where they were put.
I was once a very sociable person, but now I go to a happy affair only to be tortured by the noise and surrounding conversations because I am overwhelmed by the stimulus of sight and sound. I don’t understand what people are saying; the words run together and they may as well be speaking a foreign language.
I can no longer write or speak like I used to. What you are reading now has been written by a friend of mine who helps me put my words onto paper. My friends have become distant, and even when in their presence they will address my wife. Even when enquiring after me they rarely direct their questions to me. This is heart-breaking for me, the fact that they feel they can no longer talk to me really saddens me.
Grocery shopping with my wife is time-consuming and frustrating as I find it difficult to make decisions and plan ahead for meals. Eating out was something I used to enjoy but now I am unable to read the menu and assimilate the information into a decision. At home my wife has to assemble my meals in a series of individual decisions.
The Loss of My Independence
There was a time when I could follow a map and easily get from point A to B. Now I rely on my wife for navigation. I know that it won’t be long before I can no longer drive and that really upsets me because I love going out for long drives in my car; it is the last vestige of independence I have left.
I used to be smart, I worked hard, and I accomplished a lot. Seeing all my failures today is giving me a new appreciation for the things I was once capable of doing. I was a very different person, but that intelligence still shines through occasionally as I am challenged to invent new coping strategies to respond to these changes.
This disease is costing me money in so many ways because of the problems and issues I create; I have broken gardening tools because I have forgotten how to use them properly.
Personal grooming is a problem as well, as I can never remember the last time I washed my hair or changed my clothes.
In meetings I will lose track of the subject matter if the information is shared in long sentences. If I am speaking at events or meetings I must have my speech printed in a large font size with clearly marked punctuation.
Mind-Body Disconnection
Sometimes my mind does not communicate with the rest of my body; I had to turn the grate on my fireplace but instead of tentatively feeling if it was hot or not I just picked it up and badly burned my hand.
I can no longer use my video recorder. I had trouble remembering which way to turn off the water in the garage for the hose
I lost my job because I could no longer function in the environment, so now I spend my days advocating for Alzheimer’s. It gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning, it stimulates what is left of my mind.
My Wife’s Burden
Do you know what the worst part of this is? I have to watch my wife struggling to do the things that I once was capable of doing, and know I cannot do anything thing to help. I see my wife becoming stressed, depressed and overwhelmed, and know it will only continue to get worse.
My wife is on the road to hell; I have not even reached the worst stage. That scares the hell out of me.
I am losing my mind and I can see it happening, but I cannot do anything to change the course. I am slowly becoming a child again, and will soon be a body with no mind.
At what point should I give up? At what point would I give up?
What do I have to look forward to?
Why should I put my wife through any more pain and sadness. Do I really want her to watch me slowly die in front her eyes?
Any chance I had at a good life and a happy retirement has gone; my life is pretty much over. If you were in my shoes would you want to carry on, knowing what is in store for you?
I want to die on my own terms, I want to die with dignity, I want to die while I can still make the decision to die, and that is a very small window because I know in the not too distant future even that choice is going to be taken from me.
The laws we have in place today do not take into account the needs of people suffering from dementia; we need to rethink not only how we regard people with this disease, but also how we look after them. We need to have things in place not only to help those suffering live vital and productive lives, but also provide the means necessary for them to die with dignity and at a time of their choosing. We need to take our heads out of the sand; we can no longer turn a blind, this is a very real problem, this is happening now to millions of people across America.
We need your help!
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